Book Review from "In Register" Magazine, Baton Rouge, LA
Not one chapter in Sandra Bullock Smith’s memoir begins with a tale of her mother’s final years, although that’s exactly what she chronicles in 140 pages of Trading Places: Becoming My Mother’s Mother. Instead, they begin with stories of laughter, pride and the youthful follies that still dominate Smith’s memory of life before the 10 years spent as her mother’s personal caretaker. Before the memory loss set in, the endless doctor visits, the unavoidable fatigue. Before saying a final goodbye after 92 years of living.
Rebie Mooney Bullock, after all, lived decades with little affliction, a mother of five who, by Smith’s account, filled her children’s lives with wisdom, grace and plenty of good cooking. To diminish her life to her feeblest days would do nothing to honor Rebie’s complicated personhood, and Smith navigates the channels of old age with the same qualities taught to her in her mother’s finer years.
Some of the funniest stories come early in her mother’s route to dependence, like when Smith provided her with her first Life Alert system, which, in Rebie’s words, would send “six good-looking men in my living room within five minutes.” Or when her mother’s failing eyesight led to too many drops of Mrs. Stewart’s bluing solution in a hair rinse, turning Rebie’s strands Marge Simpson blue instead of the powdery white she wanted. Even when more embarrassing moments came to call, Smith remembers receiving a dozen red roses with a note from her mother reading simply, “Thank you for wiping my butt.”
But that doesn’t mean that Smith sugarcoats the experience of watching a loved one slip beyond the realms of help or patience. The chapters about Rebie losing her self-control and mental filters relay Smith’s frustration as the memoir’s title suggests—like a mother trying to reason with a pouty toddler. The bedside narrative of her mother’s final breaths, too, brings with it a mixture of sadness and catharsis.
Watching Rebie grow less like herself as the pages go on—Rebie, who had graduated from college with little more than a sixth-grade education, who made her own clothes and who brought up her children with humor and joy—is certainly devastating. But in Smith’s able hands, the world of the inevitable becomes a bit less like darkness, and a bit more like shedding a light on the true nature of family and love.
Not one chapter in Sandra Bullock Smith’s memoir begins with a tale of her mother’s final years, although that’s exactly what she chronicles in 140 pages of Trading Places: Becoming My Mother’s Mother. Instead, they begin with stories of laughter, pride and the youthful follies that still dominate Smith’s memory of life before the 10 years spent as her mother’s personal caretaker. Before the memory loss set in, the endless doctor visits, the unavoidable fatigue. Before saying a final goodbye after 92 years of living.
Rebie Mooney Bullock, after all, lived decades with little affliction, a mother of five who, by Smith’s account, filled her children’s lives with wisdom, grace and plenty of good cooking. To diminish her life to her feeblest days would do nothing to honor Rebie’s complicated personhood, and Smith navigates the channels of old age with the same qualities taught to her in her mother’s finer years.
Some of the funniest stories come early in her mother’s route to dependence, like when Smith provided her with her first Life Alert system, which, in Rebie’s words, would send “six good-looking men in my living room within five minutes.” Or when her mother’s failing eyesight led to too many drops of Mrs. Stewart’s bluing solution in a hair rinse, turning Rebie’s strands Marge Simpson blue instead of the powdery white she wanted. Even when more embarrassing moments came to call, Smith remembers receiving a dozen red roses with a note from her mother reading simply, “Thank you for wiping my butt.”
But that doesn’t mean that Smith sugarcoats the experience of watching a loved one slip beyond the realms of help or patience. The chapters about Rebie losing her self-control and mental filters relay Smith’s frustration as the memoir’s title suggests—like a mother trying to reason with a pouty toddler. The bedside narrative of her mother’s final breaths, too, brings with it a mixture of sadness and catharsis.
Watching Rebie grow less like herself as the pages go on—Rebie, who had graduated from college with little more than a sixth-grade education, who made her own clothes and who brought up her children with humor and joy—is certainly devastating. But in Smith’s able hands, the world of the inevitable becomes a bit less like darkness, and a bit more like shedding a light on the true nature of family and love.
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Book Review from "The Bells" Magazine, Santa Fe, NM
Sandra Bullock Smith can tell you about a happy childhood, and about growing up with her siblings in a house filled with love. She can tell you about the sterling character traits, talents, and strengths that her mother, Rebie Mooney Bullock possessed. And Sandra Bullock Smith can also relate to you the profound and sometimes piercing experiences of accompanying her beloved mother on a journey through her final years and, eventually, her final days.
Sandra’s book Trading Places: Becoming My Mother’s Mother: A Memoir takes you through Sandra’s experiences as she cared daily for her much-loved but increasingly fragile elderly mother. Sandra encountered shifts in the parent/child relationship that were sometimes predictable and sometimes surprising. Her memoir lets the reader recognize some of the specific challenges she faced while caring for an aging parent, but more powerfully, to also glimpse the depth of understanding that Sandra achieved during this once-in-a-lifetime experience.
“I was in the hospital with Mom, trying to relax for a few moments in a nearby waiting room,” Sandra said. “To pass the time, I began jotting down some of the things my Mother often told us as we were growing up—‘You’ve had enough sugar today,’ and ‘Yes, you have to go to the doctor, ’ for example. I call these ‘Mom-isms.’ I ended up with quite a list!” As the years unfolded and Sandra’s mother needed more assistance, Sandra realized many of the ‘Mom-isms’ that Mrs. Bullock had taught her children applied now to concerns she needed to extend to her mother’s care.
“Mom had a high tolerance for pain and a low tolerance for fuss,” Sandra recounted. “One of the challenges I faced was getting her to agree to see someone when I knew she needed medical help. Since she’d been so firm with us, I simply reminded her what she had always taught us, and that made things easier in a way.”
Realizing that the foundation her Mother had built for her children was also going to be the foundation for her to accept more care was the inspiration for the memoir. “I knew my mother would be more easily able to accept what I had to tell her if I could deliver the message in a familiar, loving way. Her ‘Mom-isms’ helped me do that, and I knew other people could benefit from the things I learned. By saying, ‘But Mom, you always told us that (fill in the blank), it was an easy way for her to understand the many decisions—large and small—that we needed to make together.”
Preserving dignity while providing needed care for an elderly person in fragile health can create dilemmas. This approach, along with gentle humor, helped her mother accept the help she needed. “I discovered I had to help my mother understand that she didn’t know what she didn’t know,” explained Sandra. “My mother was so independent, so strong, and so self-sufficient, she just didn’t realize that she had reached the point where she needed help with daily functions.” Sandra called on love and resourcefulness to help her Mother adjust as gently and delicately as possible.
In today’s Western society, few of us have the opportunity to be closely associated with care of a parent in final life stages. Sandra’s book reveals the surprising gifts and discoveries she realized as part of that nurturing, caring experience. “Everyone should have to volunteer in a nursing home before they are forty,” Sandra confided. “If we did, we’d be a lot more informed about what we will need before we need it.”
Sandra’s book is a balm for those who have had similar experiences. “One person wrote me that she had felt such guilt about whether she had done the right things for her parent until she read my book. She was able to see that my experiences and her were very similar,” Sandra said. “To know this book helped even one person to deal with the powerful experience of this process makes me very grateful.”
Especially if you know someone who has struggled or is currently working to care for anyone in fragile condition, this book would be a wonderful gift. See if you don’t find that several of Sandra’s ‘Mom-isms’ sound really familiar!
You can find Sandra’s book on Amazon: IBSN 978-0-9966924-0-3, Smith, Sandra Bullock (2015-11-03). Trading Places: Becoming My Mother's Mother: A Daughter's Memoir (Kindle Edition).
Sandra Bullock Smith can tell you about a happy childhood, and about growing up with her siblings in a house filled with love. She can tell you about the sterling character traits, talents, and strengths that her mother, Rebie Mooney Bullock possessed. And Sandra Bullock Smith can also relate to you the profound and sometimes piercing experiences of accompanying her beloved mother on a journey through her final years and, eventually, her final days.
Sandra’s book Trading Places: Becoming My Mother’s Mother: A Memoir takes you through Sandra’s experiences as she cared daily for her much-loved but increasingly fragile elderly mother. Sandra encountered shifts in the parent/child relationship that were sometimes predictable and sometimes surprising. Her memoir lets the reader recognize some of the specific challenges she faced while caring for an aging parent, but more powerfully, to also glimpse the depth of understanding that Sandra achieved during this once-in-a-lifetime experience.
“I was in the hospital with Mom, trying to relax for a few moments in a nearby waiting room,” Sandra said. “To pass the time, I began jotting down some of the things my Mother often told us as we were growing up—‘You’ve had enough sugar today,’ and ‘Yes, you have to go to the doctor, ’ for example. I call these ‘Mom-isms.’ I ended up with quite a list!” As the years unfolded and Sandra’s mother needed more assistance, Sandra realized many of the ‘Mom-isms’ that Mrs. Bullock had taught her children applied now to concerns she needed to extend to her mother’s care.
“Mom had a high tolerance for pain and a low tolerance for fuss,” Sandra recounted. “One of the challenges I faced was getting her to agree to see someone when I knew she needed medical help. Since she’d been so firm with us, I simply reminded her what she had always taught us, and that made things easier in a way.”
Realizing that the foundation her Mother had built for her children was also going to be the foundation for her to accept more care was the inspiration for the memoir. “I knew my mother would be more easily able to accept what I had to tell her if I could deliver the message in a familiar, loving way. Her ‘Mom-isms’ helped me do that, and I knew other people could benefit from the things I learned. By saying, ‘But Mom, you always told us that (fill in the blank), it was an easy way for her to understand the many decisions—large and small—that we needed to make together.”
Preserving dignity while providing needed care for an elderly person in fragile health can create dilemmas. This approach, along with gentle humor, helped her mother accept the help she needed. “I discovered I had to help my mother understand that she didn’t know what she didn’t know,” explained Sandra. “My mother was so independent, so strong, and so self-sufficient, she just didn’t realize that she had reached the point where she needed help with daily functions.” Sandra called on love and resourcefulness to help her Mother adjust as gently and delicately as possible.
In today’s Western society, few of us have the opportunity to be closely associated with care of a parent in final life stages. Sandra’s book reveals the surprising gifts and discoveries she realized as part of that nurturing, caring experience. “Everyone should have to volunteer in a nursing home before they are forty,” Sandra confided. “If we did, we’d be a lot more informed about what we will need before we need it.”
Sandra’s book is a balm for those who have had similar experiences. “One person wrote me that she had felt such guilt about whether she had done the right things for her parent until she read my book. She was able to see that my experiences and her were very similar,” Sandra said. “To know this book helped even one person to deal with the powerful experience of this process makes me very grateful.”
Especially if you know someone who has struggled or is currently working to care for anyone in fragile condition, this book would be a wonderful gift. See if you don’t find that several of Sandra’s ‘Mom-isms’ sound really familiar!
You can find Sandra’s book on Amazon: IBSN 978-0-9966924-0-3, Smith, Sandra Bullock (2015-11-03). Trading Places: Becoming My Mother's Mother: A Daughter's Memoir (Kindle Edition).
Review by IndieReader.com
Anyone who has had to care for an elderly parent knows first hand how daunting that task can be. Yet amid all the trials and tribulations, there are moments--precious gleanings--of joy and pure laughter. That said, Smith's memoir capitalizes on these precious gleanings from her decade-long role as a caregiver for her mother.
Smith's debut offers lightheartedness to an otherwise somber aging and end-of-life process. Smith's narrative reflects on moments when the familial table turns and she spouts out the same maxims her mother once used on Smith during her childhood. Laying the groundwork for her account, Smith opens with 16 valuable life lessons passed down to her from her parents, which play a key role in helping her "deal with being a caregiver." Smith quickly draws readers into familiar territory when she includes lesson topics, such as "Honesty is really the best policy," "Crying is good for the soul," "Forgive and forget," and "Do unto others," to name a few.
Continuing to connect with her audience, Smith's chapters are replete with her down-to-earth writing style. Highlighting a mix of well-known and personal household phrases, Smith accompanies them with a flurry of hilarious stories that compare the experiences of her aging mom to Smith's childhood. While readers will quickly recognize adages such as "Are you going to sleep all day?" "Turn that down!" "Stand up straight!" and "Hang up your clothes," Smith also provides a handful of illuminating lines, such as "Huh is not a word," "Can't never could," and "Did you want that hair color?"
Smith closes with another set of lessons learned that incorporates helpful caregiver tips. Although respectfully dedicated to the life of her mother, Smith's memoir serves a great purpose: "For all you wonderful children who provide loving care to a parent, I hope this book gives you a laugh, a smile and a little inspiration. You already have had enough tears.
-- IndieReader.com
Anyone who has had to care for an elderly parent knows first hand how daunting that task can be. Yet amid all the trials and tribulations, there are moments--precious gleanings--of joy and pure laughter. That said, Smith's memoir capitalizes on these precious gleanings from her decade-long role as a caregiver for her mother.
Smith's debut offers lightheartedness to an otherwise somber aging and end-of-life process. Smith's narrative reflects on moments when the familial table turns and she spouts out the same maxims her mother once used on Smith during her childhood. Laying the groundwork for her account, Smith opens with 16 valuable life lessons passed down to her from her parents, which play a key role in helping her "deal with being a caregiver." Smith quickly draws readers into familiar territory when she includes lesson topics, such as "Honesty is really the best policy," "Crying is good for the soul," "Forgive and forget," and "Do unto others," to name a few.
Continuing to connect with her audience, Smith's chapters are replete with her down-to-earth writing style. Highlighting a mix of well-known and personal household phrases, Smith accompanies them with a flurry of hilarious stories that compare the experiences of her aging mom to Smith's childhood. While readers will quickly recognize adages such as "Are you going to sleep all day?" "Turn that down!" "Stand up straight!" and "Hang up your clothes," Smith also provides a handful of illuminating lines, such as "Huh is not a word," "Can't never could," and "Did you want that hair color?"
Smith closes with another set of lessons learned that incorporates helpful caregiver tips. Although respectfully dedicated to the life of her mother, Smith's memoir serves a great purpose: "For all you wonderful children who provide loving care to a parent, I hope this book gives you a laugh, a smile and a little inspiration. You already have had enough tears.
-- IndieReader.com
Review By ReadersFavorites.com:
Trading Places: Becoming My Mother's Mother, A Daughter's Memoir by Sandra Bullock Smith is a true story. Sandra finds herself in the position of having to look after her mother, a role reversal she hoped would never happen. Looking after anyone is a challenging process, even more so when it is your own parent. Sandra takes us through the years that she looked after her mother, years that were hard to bear, but years that she wouldn't give up for anything. She provides us with deep insight into what it takes to care for a parent, the similarities to her own childhood, moments that are sometimes funny, sometimes heartbreaking. This book is not to be missed by anyone who is in the same situation or who may have to make the same choices in the future.
Trading Places: Becoming My Mother's Mother, A Daughter's Memoir by Sandra Bullock Smith is one of the best nonfiction books I have ever read. It made me think about my parents, both in their seventies looking after my granddad in his nineties, and it made me realize just how much they do for him and how much it affects their own lives - not that they would change anything! Sandra made me laugh at times and she made me cry, bringing home a real sense of compassion with plenty of advice for those of us who may be faced with the same in years to come. The book was written in a way that made it easy to follow and very easy to sink into, a way that makes you know you are not going to put it down until you have finished. I would highly recommend this book to anyone, whether you are looking after your elderly parent or not.
Trading Places: Becoming My Mother's Mother, A Daughter's Memoir by Sandra Bullock Smith is a true story. Sandra finds herself in the position of having to look after her mother, a role reversal she hoped would never happen. Looking after anyone is a challenging process, even more so when it is your own parent. Sandra takes us through the years that she looked after her mother, years that were hard to bear, but years that she wouldn't give up for anything. She provides us with deep insight into what it takes to care for a parent, the similarities to her own childhood, moments that are sometimes funny, sometimes heartbreaking. This book is not to be missed by anyone who is in the same situation or who may have to make the same choices in the future.
Trading Places: Becoming My Mother's Mother, A Daughter's Memoir by Sandra Bullock Smith is one of the best nonfiction books I have ever read. It made me think about my parents, both in their seventies looking after my granddad in his nineties, and it made me realize just how much they do for him and how much it affects their own lives - not that they would change anything! Sandra made me laugh at times and she made me cry, bringing home a real sense of compassion with plenty of advice for those of us who may be faced with the same in years to come. The book was written in a way that made it easy to follow and very easy to sink into, a way that makes you know you are not going to put it down until you have finished. I would highly recommend this book to anyone, whether you are looking after your elderly parent or not.